Donnerstag, 18. September 2014

03 - Ben and Ben (eng)

It’s really great to not only be clever, but also a good sportsman. There are only a few people who are capable of this. Just last week right after the maths-exam, where I got my A of course, I nearly ran a half marathon in sports. I should probably say, without even beginning to sweat. Every second hobby runner tries himself in a half marathon these days.
You see, I could say everything’s going fine, if there would just not be this… how should I call it, ah yes, embarrassing side-effect.

Let’s go eat something, i’m starving!

Not again… Shut up, i’m talking.

With whom? About what?

About you…

Am I on TV?

No, thank god… And now, close your mouth, or a bird will fly into it. Good luck that he really believes this nonsense. So, as I said before, there is this side-effect. I heard my parents talk about my schizophrenia a few times before. They would never tell me, also because they don’t know that I’m working so closely together with this crazy g...

Who’s crazy?

See what I mean? He’s not even letting me finish talking. So, he’s the boss of the gross motor skills. I mean, I can move my body normally, but you could say that one or two times I missed the goal just by a few inches, you know, they didn’t really tell me which direction…


Sigh. Yeah, that’s funny… Nevermind, I’ll go on. Slow but steady I get control over this guy. I don’t mean that I could really control his actions, but I can let him take over when I really need to. The problem is… sometimes he just doesn’t want to change back. And THEN the whole thing turns ugly. Before my parents knew about the schizophrenia, they wondered why I got the best grades at one day, and the worst grades just the next. The teachers thought I would make fun of then, because my other self can’t even write properly. It looks more like the handwriting of a first-grader. And then again in capital letters, as if you forgot to turn the caps on your keyboard off.

Who’s gonna be first in the kitchen?

We would be there at the same time, forgot?

Why do I even bother asking him…? You can’t imagine how many chances this pighead screwed up with the girls. To sneeze in your hand and then go greet the prettiest girl in class is one thing, but to ask her out on a date, while she is actually way more than just turned off, is even more stupid…

She didn’t say no!

Right, she tried to shake the grossness off her body and then ran out of the class, screaming, with her fellowship in her back. You should have offered her some of those delicious chewing gums, which stick under our desk.

Good idea, next time for sure.

Oh god, what have i done… Alright, you know what? I’m in a really good mood, and to make the whole situation a bit more vivid, I’ll just let out the beast for a second. Lucky me we’re home alone.
Time for push-ups!

Yep, not what i would have done. And NOW he’s climbing out of the window… Not that branch, it’s too far away! Oh fuck… NO! … Of course he gets it… That was a near miss. No wait, we’re outside. Not…good… Okay, okay, okay, let’s go eat something, yeah?

But I’d like to go to the cinema.

It’s too early, they aren’t even playing any movies now. Come on, let’s go back into the house, and I’ll cook something. Sounds good, right? Do you want something special?

Chinese, yummy chicken.

Okay, as you wish, then let us turn around now. Hey, you’re still running in the wrong direction… Please, don’t do that to me.

Look there! The girls of our class. HEEEEEEEEYY!

For god’s sake don’t shout at them like this. Don’t do it… I beg you. Okay, that backflip was nice, you impressed them, but now cut and run! I’ll give you 10 seconds. I’m warning you man! No food, no sports, a whole week!

As if you could bear that.

Oh suddenly acting like a smart-aleck?


Just forget it, turn around. I’ll let you try out the new video game first today! Yeah, you see, you want it. Finally, that’s good. May I now?


We overcame the danger, and just in time. The girls seem distracted, I’ll just turn around. So far, so good.

Didn’t you want to confess your dying love to Lisa?

Please, i’m begging you, just be quiet…

Hey Lisa! Wanna know who has a crush on you? Ben!

You just didn’t say that out loud, right? Talking in third person about ourselves isn’t at all attractive, you know? And now shut the hell up, you won’t see any sunlight for a long, long time… Wait… did she just wink at us? Hey, nevertheless, you might be still useful. High five!

And how on earth should that work?


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